Time is a 4 Letter Word

My husband tells me all the time that time is a 4-letter word. Time just does not seem to be a commodity that ever has enough were always needing more time and nothing has made that clearer than 2020 COVID19. Everybody talks about the bad things that came about in 2020 when we all became sheltered in place no friends no family and watching so many people die because of a virus and extreme flu. And of all of the bad things, there were a lot of good things, families learned what it was to be a family again in this day and age where mother father’s work some 2-3 even 4 jobs just to get by, for the first time they were setting down and their children were learning what it was like to be a family to have mom, dad, brother, sister sitting around a dining room table after they all just cooked a meal together. Finding ways to be creative all the YouTube videos of families dancing together, cooking together, creating together, a reset is what happened to us. Now we must find a way to cope with having to go back to work finding the balance of what we now know we are missing. So many businesses found that at-home workers saved them money, saved workers money because they’re not having to drive to work every day. Finding a balance of work-family and schooling for children that are still young enough to be in school. Now we get to figure out do we stay home do we have that option to work from home to our kids want to go back to school or do they want to stay home and do online schooling or is there an option for both ??? My son was able to go to school once a week check-in set down with the teacher go over his work get the next packet for the next week and do it again his grades went from failing to ace, but I know all kids cannot do this, they still need to socialize, there is a lot of things were going to have to figure out from this point on, making adjustments, & support those that need support. We also saw our world turned upside down with Black Lives Matter, with the storming of our capital! my hope is that we see a change soon but it takes time, time that we sometimes do not seem to have or not patient enough to wait for. The times that we lived in, the times we are living in, and the times we will live in, are all changed. The question is what do the time ahead of us have in store for us? And the time that we have learned that we were missing, in a very powerful punch in the face and the gut. I hope that on this St. Patrick’s Day that you all get the time with your friends & family. May time be kind to you

An Irish blessing
may love and laughter light your days.
And warm your heart and home.
Make good and faithful friends be yours where ever you may roam.
Make peace and plenty bless your world with joy that long endures.
May all life’s passing seasons bring the best to you and yours!

Depression Digging My Way Out… 2019-2021 Vs 2022

(I forgot to finish and post this in 2020 so I’m making this a small timeline journal entry.)

I have seasonal depression, along with just “depression” Got a hold on me November-February/March. I quit working for someone who lied to me about promises as to why I went to work as an “Independent” contractor (Fucking Joke) We were employs. Promised to be able to teach and have my holistic therapist space. KARMA is a beautiful thing. Anyway I had enough clients to pay rent to be on my own but not enough to pay all of my bills so trying to get back into the work world was a nightmare that used up and put my in a position I had an IOU with fees to my bank and maxed out credit cards. I worked so hard building up my credit after a nasty divorce and having no education on what credit was and how it effects your life style… My second marriage I got a man who taught my about having good credit. Then I went off the deep end and kept spending credit cards…. I was then diagnosed as Bipolar with depression. It took me years to find a coping method that worked for me. And I struggled at times but I finally built my credit to 780 from debt to anyone who would send me a credit card. The defeat I feel over this had me on a high stress. I was offered a job by a friend but it came with a -$15 less an hour. I am now finally getting bills paid again even in this nightmare of a pandemic era. I now also have a loss of my own business because I am a massage therapist & holistic healer. We are not essential workers so I have lost my income to pay my rent come May/June. I am happy again and I am no longer stressed over this COVID19. I am back to my craziness of Gardening, Food Porn, Honesty of myself, and My Dreams…


Who knew theses times would continue on and my life would take a big blow and knock me down to my knees again mentally, physically, and having to start my rebuild again…

That job I got ended up destroying my health and the stability I had rebuilt… Sexually harassed, Verbal abuse, and I had to quit the day before Thanksgiving November 26, 2020 This Person was supposed to be my friend. The thing that you learn working or living with someone is a make it or break it for sure! She ended up being one of the most disgusting people I’ve ever known, and the excuses she uses to make herself ok is not she is a sick woman!

A few weeks prior November 1st, 2020. I started a second job doing in-home care for Seniors I knew I had to plan to leave the job and get away from the toxic workplace. I’m still with them and I enjoy the clients I have.

Started my own side care services with the local group of independent caregivers. Looking into another way to help our Community Adults…. We are working on this idea.

I have started more classes to continue education and a new path option or additional training

I am fighting with my depression & anxiety every day currently due to health issues as a result of what happened while I was working in the toxic environment (long term effects). I’m trying to get back on track but I’m finding it difficult this time to just even start.

I’m trying to find that motivation that is missing this time around. My health is in jeopardy if I don’t get my shit together….

Dreams & Their Emotional Hold

We Dream…

We day dream when awake… those fantasies of heroism, A grand life, Vacations, Love, Goals, Revenge, etc.. We are awake we are in control, we dictate the outcome twisted to our wants & needs to bring about our satisfaction our triumphs.

We have those deja vu dreams through out our life, we feel a sense of strangeness a question of why, what is this about? We start to remember these after a time of repeats. The spectrum of feelings can be more questions than anything making us try to seek answers from Dream books, Therapy, Clergy, etc.. Never really getting an answer only interpretation of maybes from a list of guidelines to guide one to maybe answers.

We dream in our sleep our mind processing issues of our waking life. Interpretation of dreams are explored, what does this scenario represent? We have wonderful, joyous, loving, spiritual, colorful dreams to Nightmares that shake us up. Many of times these dreams we forget after we fully wake and go about our day, feeling good, Joyous, accomplished, sad, lost or a bit grumpy. But not really quite sure why if you cannot really remember or just a bit of recollection but nothing really that cannot be over come through the day as it disappears altogether.

Dream Or Night Terrors these take hold of us not just mentally we can be come physically compromised, reaching for that something to frozen unable to move bordering on sleep and waking between 2 worlds. These dreams can take such a hold on you that once you finally wake you still are held mentally captured by this terror, unable to shake the Dream still playing in your mind. The effects of this play with your emotions, energy, & your interactions with those around you and those that took part of that terrorized dream.

Then there are the Dreams we feel on a level of real. We feel the air on our skin, feeling another’s skin, the smells surrounding us, and the sights we see and the emotions we are feeling. There is no separation of dream to waking to going about your day as the brain seems to be unable to separate the difference. It was real but it wasn’t…!? Euphoria to Psychotic reactions. Self safety & others safety come to question. This is where one needs to seek help of a professional therapist, counselor, doctor, clergy, spiritual therapist, etc.. There is something that you need to deal with on some level you may not even realize you have going on in your life or environment.

Then there are those who dream prophecy a truth of a situation. Not always believed, often ridiculed. These stay with you you can recall them but most will only write them down and that is where they stay. Some are strong enough to tell others and work with the outcomes. Nostradamus is/was one of the most famous for his long into the future predictions.

I have been there I have done that. I have tried on & off to keep A Dream Journal but most of my dreams are gone the moment I think I need to write this down and poof it’s gone a blank page. Then I have had to see my therapist because I could not shake the feelings of knowing it was a dream but having it continue to control my emotions even after speaking to the person about them.

There are many Dream books out there including the famous Sigmund Freud. But these are just interpretations bases on research that cannot be proven accurate only a guessing of relations and the very from each person’s views. If you’re dreams have you curious these books can help. There are also those professionals including Dream therapists to help you.

I started making dreams catchers at a young age being in a Native American group in grade school and now as an adult I craft them to give as gifts & sell. I recommend making one or buying one to hang above your bed and even around your home. Sage smoke them to cleanse them of any negativity that could have come into contact with them & to bless them. They help by becoming a positive thoughts focus but they are not an absolute stop to bad dreams. This is just one of many suggestions out there.

If your dreams have you bothered in anyway seek someone to talk to that you truly trust. If your dreams have you emotionally messed up seek professional help there are hot-lines you can call so that you don’t even have to see anyone. Be aware of yourself and the self care & love you need to give yourself to be healthy.

Blessings of the New Year be upon you & yours

Why you should use essential oils for cleaning

Household chemicals and cleaners may be effective but they contain a multitude of toxins and chemicals that are definitely not good for our health and wellbeing. Some reports have even suggested that our indoor air quality can be ten times more polluted than the air we breathe outside, because of the array of chemical cleaners we use in our homes.

To keep the home clean, bug-free and give it a fresh scent, essential oils are your friend. Essential oils are gentle but powerful – they are capable of destroying a wide range of different viruses, bacteria and fungi, naturally and safely while leaving surfaces smelling fresh and clean.

Cleaning your home with essential oils is also great for your health, compared to household chemical-based cleaners. Some of these even contain hormone disrupting substances – but you can easily eliminate the risk of side effects by choosing to go natural and make your own cleaning products. Not only that, but instead of damaging your health with strong chemicals, with aromatherapy-based products you get to inhale the benefits while you clean your home!

Some of the most effective essential oils for cleaning

  • Lemon essential oil is a go-to oil for keeping everything clean and fresh-smelling. When diffused into the room it also purifies the air, clearing it of pathogens, and it’s excellent for getting rid of cooking smells. Use lemon oil for cleaning kitchen countertops, dishes and cutting boards as well as scrubbing the grime off of faucets, removing tile grout, gunge and cleaning water storage containers and bottles. Lemon essential oil blends well with citrus oils like Bergamot and Lime, and you can also add Tea Tree oil for antibacterial effects.
  • If you have bugs in your home that you’d like to repel (and who wouldn’t?) Peppermint oil may be your answer – they hate it. As a bonus, it will leave your home smelling deliciously fresh. Peppermint is a natural insect repellent and pesticide which makes it the best essential oil for keeping bugs at bay. Blend it with Orange oil for an extra bug-busting boost and it will help to keep the fruit flies away. Just add both to a diffuser in the kitchen and keep your fruit bowl fly-free. Peppermint and Orange blend is perfect for spraying into the nooks and crannies of a room where spiders like to build webs, useful if you’re arachnophobic.
  • Tea Tree oil is a great multitasker – it’s antiseptic, antifungal and antibacterial, and gets rid of mildew and mold in bathrooms, kitchens or wherever else it crops up. Tea Tree oil can be used on all cleaning accessories, so just add a few drops to a bucket of water before mopping the floor and not only will you get lovely clean, germ-free floors but you’ll get an uplifting scent that’s said to boost the immune system.
  • If you use fabric conditioner – stop and swap the chemicals for Wool Dryer Balls instead. They have the double whammy effect of reducing drying time and static cling and you can add a few drops of lavender essential oil to the ball and your clothes will small absolutely divine.

Making my own Spa Products

I love Creating, Crafting & Arts. Today & over the next few days we will be without power due to PG&E Power Shutdown for High Winds & High Fire Levels Danger. So I am taking this wonderful down time to Do what makes my heart smile & sing putting that much more love into my creativity. So here is what today’s inspirations came about…. Have a Blessed &Creative Week ❤

Facial Mask for Detox, Cleansing & Scrub
Rosemary & Mint getting crushed into powder

Making my X’s & O’s & Zz’s Tea

I thought maybe you would like to see some of the things I make and this is a recent recipe i adapted from a recipe book i saw a sample from but it needed something else for me. I have had insomnia since I was 12 yrs old and have been on Ambien since early 20’s so I played around with this recipe for a while and this is now my Officially going to bed Tea. X’s & O’s & Zz’s has officially lessons my need for Ambien when my mind cannot shut off, now that not to say Ill stop taking Ambien as a 4 day no sleep bender is a Not so Healthy situation. (Now I am not saying that this tea will work for you the same way or making claims to a medical issue this is my own personal experience, Always consult with a Doctor about any sleep issues.) (Herbals are a very personal thing so what work for me may not work for you.) There is one drawback for some about this Tea it is not cheap to make High Quality Organic Products and Certainly herbs that are expensive in small amounts a sample 9oz of Wood Betony is around $40 that’s about 1oz= $4.10. Please consider this as you are out Holiday Shopping at the Homemade/Handmade Crafting Fair’s & you see my X’s & O’s & Zz’s Tea in a 4oz small batch hand mixed, hand filled glass Jars, pre washed in Dr. B’s- Pure- Castle soap- organic cloth reusable tea bag, hand labeled, hand written, Filled with Love and Good Energy and it says $20 or even $40 depending on finding the right herbs, it only takes a small amount in the bags as the tea needs room to rehydrate and give you its Healing life ❤ until next time have a Blessing of a Month as The Hunters Full Moon arrives.

Life Changing & Self Care. A Back issue.

My mode of Transportation the next few days. My back went into full on spasms and then slipped out, Then went fully numb and lost all control of my body as i lost speach, thought & use of my body I was able to slide to the floor via dishwasher. I was able to make 3 calls Cecil, Raymond & work (I’m OCD that way -this is now routine since 1993) before i lost control and swelling and 3 Cysts are fully inflamed and pushing on my spinal cords. My next Epidural is not until 25th of September. Back issues are nothing to mess with when your back hurts don’t put off the pain OTC & RX will onlt hide the pain for so long. Proper care is needed Make your health a priority! Every month at the least but every 2 weeks or if at all possible 1 time a week schedule Massage Therapist & Chiropractor. I have slight scoliosis, degenerative discs, Arthritis, Spinal Stenosis & 3 cysts inside my spine inside the stenosis area which is my full Lumbar area. This also triggers a Fibromyalgia Flair up as my system goes into Fight or Flight which it is already in 24/7/365. I have gone into overdrive system. I have had back issues since age 12 when I fell out of a truck and landed on my lower back. Im posting this a a Massage Therapist, Healer & Hidden Health Issues person. My list is a bit of a read. I am able to help others who are in pain because I know the pain inside & outside, mentally & physically. It took me years to get here and now I pass on my knowledge to fight the depression that follows the loss of dreams and imagine you saw yourself becoming before your body turned on you. It takes time to find your way but never give up allow those around you to support you & find support in Healing. Your dreams are not gone they are just put on hold or changed direction for a reason. The universe will point you to the paths you just have to decide on which to travel. I chose to use my personal knowledge to help others and i cannot say enough about how happy I am with who I have become & still growing. I have a Huge Dream to help others & I hold it close. Dream BIG but allow change to happen as time passes you grow & so do dreams.

Secrets & Withholding Information

There are times when secrets need to be kept for the better of the person or the group or the society then there is the information withholding. When & What that information needs to really be assessed whether it is imperative that person knows this information or that it really takes away from nothing that would help them in anyway. If the fact is there is something that needs to be said or to be told that is imperative to that person good or bad, but they really do need to know it in order to either have the information to make a situation correct to be able to assess the situation and to know whether or not the information that others are giving is false or true this information therefore makes the secret the withholding of information detrimental to the person or the persons there for do you not in any circumstance withhold this or keep it secret. Now if the secret or withholding information is going to keep that person from harm of any kind the assessment of withholding and keeping it secret are there for valid for the well-being of that person be a mental, physical or spiritual.

Examples are is this person very domineering and tries to take over situations that can interrupt something that is very personal to you? Another situation a volunteer that is a regular issue that likes to volunteer and basically what they do is they use that time just to sit around and not do anything. Another situation a client that has been abusive, verbally, physically or sexually, these are situations that the person must know about there is no excuse not to tell anyone any of the situations that would be detrimental to them mentally physically and spiritually.

The situation of seeing or hearing someone that they may be cheating on a partner, a situation of drug, alcohol use or any other addictions that may be detrimental to one’s health or relationship, then you have the situations of other issues that may hurt a relationship in some way or another you do not just say what it is you saw or heard, you confirm the information, therefore withholding and keeping secret this information at the time is about a situation that is correctly withheld, kept secret. Now if what you have seen or heard is then confirmed to be truth, then the withholding or the secret I have is no longer helpful to that person for therefore you are the person that is withheld or keeping secrets something that is very relevant to their life, therefore you need to give this information to them or someone that it is best heard from just make sure all of your information is confirmed truth. Also understand this might bite you in the ass for telling the truth of a situation like this and in the end you may be in the bad guy for bringing about the end of a situation, a relationship, Etc..

Then there is the shit you should just keep to yourself that is your own personal issues not theirs like the way they style their hair the way they chew their food the way they keep their house many many other issues that can just hurt their feelings and really have nothing to do with them except for your own personal issues or someone else’s let every person be an individual and do their own thing just as you have the right to yours don’t hurt someone else’s feelings or make issues between others because of your own personal’s assess every situation and figure out if it’s your own personal issue with the situation or a real issue that affects that person on a physical mental or spiritual level.

Now then there is the does it really matter situation like for instants my grammar and my spelling I’m horrible at both, but doesn’t matter to me sometimes it doesn’t sometimes it does, that’s just a simple example of whether or not to hold a secret or withholding of information that pertains to say this blog that I write is it pertinent? Or I write too much about nothing or I write too much about something these are the kind of situations that sometimes it’s just better to keep it to yourself unless it truly is something that needs to be fixed.

Now don’t get all hissy fit it on me, these are just my opinions and my outlook on situations that go on around me that I find irritating and uncalled for. The fact that I just want people to just tell me the damn truth and not keep things from me because, all that does when I find out is pissing me off! Making me, assess my situation and those around me good or bad I will do what’s best for me and not anyone else because I am the person I need to worry about in any situation the only other people I worry about are my children and my husband anyone other than that will come after the fact don’t ever doubt, I know who I am and what my worth is!

Just Being Me

I have been asked many times about my spirituality and how I can be spiritual without believing in God?

I was raised old Fashion pentecostal and my mother was the Sunday school teacher for the kids And yes I was that sneaky child who would steal the teacher’s book and make sure I had all the answers. I witnessed many things go on behind the church and what was presented in front of a congregation, I witnessed these things and questioned them I’d even been in trouble for questioning and asking why do you pretend that you’re hurt? Then why do you pretend then your not hurt? Put on a show in front of people when I know the answer. These are the things I asked even as a young child as I’ve gotten older and I’ve gone and done spiritual studies studying different religions and how so many religions are basically stating the same thing in their books. Every single spirituality is the interpretation of the person who writes the words and then the interpretation of the person who reads those words and then the interpretation of those listening to those words I happen to question every single one of those words. I question why this particular belief came out of these words, how the interpretation was received, I question everything, it is why I continuously study religions and the interpretations that other people have and why so many interpretations of a single religion. It does not matter which religion it is there are multiple interpretations of the same writings the original writings which to date really are not from the original person or persons who said them. Since the beginning of writing pictures, hieroglyphs, then words, for any of that each story is just an add on even from the first story as each person has their own interpretation of the events. And each of those stories is told multiple times by multiple people and every story is added to or embellished as they say so actually what really happened is someone else’s interpretation of those events. I believe in The Living Energies Surrounding Us and that We Are. If you did it it’s on you good or bad, You make the choices, You determine your path in life, You are the one who makes it or breaks it, Your Choices Make You, You! DO NOT Preach to me about who I should be or who you think I should believe in because I am not you! I will discuss, with others on the subject of religion but it’s an ADULT Conversation not winning self-centered, egotistical, better than others attitudes. Your beliefs are not my truth they are yours. So please when someone tells you please STOP and you just keep on, your my way is the only way preaching and selling your religion, your just another predator to me, and therefore you will be treated accordingly. We each have a right to our own views of this world and it’s time that forced conversation of religion, be Stoped! There is your answer in my short form, I hope it answers the question.

I have a question for you now….

Because this is my belief does it change me or the way you perceive me to be? The way I see it I’m just being me.

My harvest is starting

Always do what you Love and your life will always have everything you need just believe it so. But Remember sometimes the energies denial is for a purpose so do not waste the gifts you are receiving make them count.

We I had a small abundance of mixed veggies yesterday so excited seeing my families hard work paying off. This is a testing year to see what happens and what needs improving. The garden will be takin apart after the last plant is harvested. As we are still looking for a farm property to start ZenEden it’s hard putting so much work into it but we just don’t know when it will happen but for now testing different methods of sustainability in gardening many different ways. Holistic Farming practices permaculture, hydro & of course go old ground gardening.

My Beautiful Harvest

Some Hints to My Dreams; We are still searching for the ranch properties to creat ZenEden, A palace created as a second chance & mentoring partnership, A Retreat. A Holistic, Alternative, Healing place, A Spa, Group getaways Personal or Business to decompress, a place to get back to the earth and allow Mother Nature to heal you. A public open Healing place. run by a very eccentric woman & her men & daughter Inlaw. We will employ VA as Ranch hands & Mentors to Troubled youths in the system on the Farmland. Daily activities to help each person find themselves. A Pay it Forward Concept Membership.

We have found the perfect place @ $12 million, it is ready to go. The property is in Sonoma & Mendocino County. Getting a loan, Grant or enough investors which I prefer, I prefer knowledge to help me create this ultimate Retreat, so If your a risk taker reach out to me.

Continue reading “My harvest is starting”