Depression Digging My Way Out… 2019-2021 Vs 2022

(I forgot to finish and post this in 2020 so I’m making this a small timeline journal entry.)

I have seasonal depression, along with just “depression” Got a hold on me November-February/March. I quit working for someone who lied to me about promises as to why I went to work as an “Independent” contractor (Fucking Joke) We were employs. Promised to be able to teach and have my holistic therapist space. KARMA is a beautiful thing. Anyway I had enough clients to pay rent to be on my own but not enough to pay all of my bills so trying to get back into the work world was a nightmare that used up and put my in a position I had an IOU with fees to my bank and maxed out credit cards. I worked so hard building up my credit after a nasty divorce and having no education on what credit was and how it effects your life style… My second marriage I got a man who taught my about having good credit. Then I went off the deep end and kept spending credit cards…. I was then diagnosed as Bipolar with depression. It took me years to find a coping method that worked for me. And I struggled at times but I finally built my credit to 780 from debt to anyone who would send me a credit card. The defeat I feel over this had me on a high stress. I was offered a job by a friend but it came with a -$15 less an hour. I am now finally getting bills paid again even in this nightmare of a pandemic era. I now also have a loss of my own business because I am a massage therapist & holistic healer. We are not essential workers so I have lost my income to pay my rent come May/June. I am happy again and I am no longer stressed over this COVID19. I am back to my craziness of Gardening, Food Porn, Honesty of myself, and My Dreams…

2022

Who knew theses times would continue on and my life would take a big blow and knock me down to my knees again mentally, physically, and having to start my rebuild again…

That job I got ended up destroying my health and the stability I had rebuilt… Sexually harassed, Verbal abuse, and I had to quit the day before Thanksgiving November 26, 2020 This Person was supposed to be my friend. The thing that you learn working or living with someone is a make it or break it for sure! She ended up being one of the most disgusting people I’ve ever known, and the excuses she uses to make herself ok is not she is a sick woman!

A few weeks prior November 1st, 2020. I started a second job doing in-home care for Seniors I knew I had to plan to leave the job and get away from the toxic workplace. I’m still with them and I enjoy the clients I have.

Started my own side care services with the local group of independent caregivers. Looking into another way to help our Community Adults…. We are working on this idea.

I have started more classes to continue education and a new path option or additional training

I am fighting with my depression & anxiety every day currently due to health issues as a result of what happened while I was working in the toxic environment (long term effects). I’m trying to get back on track but I’m finding it difficult this time to just even start.

I’m trying to find that motivation that is missing this time around. My health is in jeopardy if I don’t get my shit together….

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